Carpe Diem

The days of wine and roses

2009-10-10T09:27:00.003-04:00

Recently I've experienced an onslaught of thoughts composed poetically. I'll share some of those here, transcribed from the back of receipts and shards of paper. Thank you for reminding me of this outlet.

After a recent time I spent meditating, I wrote this. It was a waking experience, but encumbered by things that I found and the consequences of finding them there. I'm still learning how to take it all in, and how to deal with letting it out.

At the base of the willow tree,
where the root is centered,
the darkest hole
and the deepest splinter.
Breathe deep unsettled mind as time
and distance meet
under waves of wanting,
nothing is and always is.
Your fire kept darkened,
smothered far from surface air.
In cracks and in fissures,
the emptiness steeps
keeping safe the source.
Hardwired, breaking through
a fortuitous expanse to find a vast
and lonely space.
Upon returning, shaken by visions
shared and lost
visions permeative, separating,
entangled
creating a rift and a narrow bridge
upon which a wind
about me as I make my way
sharing what I've found and the
distance it's created.

Late at night, my mind sometimes speaks in french.

Un jour, quand le soleil ne lavera pas en mer,
il dansera avec les etoiles
tous les monde fera l'amore,
et je serai content.
Mais aujourd'hui je passer
mon temps en noir et brun
et sans bonheur,
j'aurais le froideur
et oubliera mes mains.

Department of Community Destruction

2009-03-20T15:43:00.006-04:00

The latest in the saga of All Star has now turned into an ongoing battle over proper english grammar writing. I received this letter earlier this week, retyped here:
"Dear Ms. Lay; After further review, it has been determined that you Board of Zoning Appeals (BZA) application request does not meet the minimum requirements for a special exception to be heard by the BZA. The expansion or alteration of the convenience store/deli to include tables and chairs will require additional parking, resulting in the noncompliance with the aforementioned parking requirement and is prohibited by Section 114-1040.3(7(c)).

If you wish to continue to use the property for a restaurant (sit-down) use, a Special Use Permit will be required. Please contact the Land Use Admin...." ending with names and numbers of the zoning planner and administrators.

The fact that I am denied the option to appeal the decision is based upon the following Zoning Code outlining the restrictions of appeals to be heard by the BZA; if an appeal falls into one of these categories, it can not be heard by the BZA:

"(7) Nonconforming use: enlargement, extension or alteration. Enlargement, extension or structural alteration of a building or structure devoted to a nonconforming use; extension or expansion of a nonconforming use within a building or structure; or construction of an accessory building or structure to serve an existing nonconforming use; provided that:

c. There shall be no increase in the number of dwelling units on the property, nor shall the granting of such exception result in noncompliance with any yard, open space, parking or other requirements of this chapter or any increase in the degree or extent of any nonconforming feature;"

My confusion stems from the fact that this clause refers to adding "dwelling spaces" on the property, which does not apply to my case. When I asked for clarification from both the Planner and the Zoning Administrator, all I was given is this response: "The Board of Zoning Appeals (BZA) has limited powers and under the exception, the BZA cannot hear this case due to noncompliance with the bolded section, below. The change from a take-out restaurant having a parking requirement of 1 space per each 150 sq. ft. of floor area to a sit-down restaurant having a parking requirement of 1 space per each 100 sq. ft. of floor area results in a net increase in the parking required. Parking is a feature of the use and, for this reason, is not permitted under the normal provisions of the nonconforming section of the Ordinance nor is it permitted under the Special Exception powers of the BZA." and the previous clause written again, but bolding only the second half of the sentence.

Their explanation relies upon this clause, but it is explained by skipping over the first half of the sentence and saying that the second half of the sentence applies to my case....? How can a compound sentence, with a subject and predicate and conjunction (which I will remind us are words such as: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so), be separated? The purpose of the conjunction is to link the second half of the sentence to the first half of the sentence and explain it further. So, obviously, my application is denied because the zoning clause is able to be interpreted to fit the zoning administrator's decision, rather than read following the grammar rules by which it was written.

The wind is in from Africa, and last night I couldn't sleep.

2009-03-01T15:43:00.003-05:00

Maybe it's just the rain today, or maybe other events that have stirred me, but I'm feeling restless, again. I feel like the snow globe of my mind has been picked up and shaken swirling flurries of white through the cerebral spinal fluid, making it cloudy and confusing in here. I spent the last seventy two hours engrossed in awe-inspiring ideas about living sustainably and growing a life that, to me, feels more complete. Now the challenge, and difficulty, and confusion that I feel is in balancing that vision with my current state of mind and living situation. It's a process that I've done before; picking up and moving, changing my focus, aspiring towards something new, but this time is not as easy. This time I can not throw down what I am doing and start something new, turn over the leaf, cut the cord and start again. I'd prefer to be more eloquent with changing, this time. It's just more difficult to do it that way, perhaps. The slate can not be so easily wiped clean because this time there are other factors involved too, not just my own path. I'm not used to this process, and am feeling frustrated by it.

It's like this sweater I was just now beginning to knit. I got to the end of the third row, 300 stitches into it, and saw the mistake that I had made about 100 stitches back. The only way to fix it is to take out all the stitches to that point and rework it. So I began unraveling all the stitches, and saw another mistake even further back, which prompted me to make the decision to take out all of the stitches and start over again. Starting over again, now, is starting with the experience of how I lead to the mistakes I made before, so that this time I am more aware of the steps that lead to those mistakes and can now actively avoid that path. But starting over again also means taking apart what I have made, even though it had a few rough spots in it. Taking the whole thing apart takes more time to get to the place that I was only moments ago, but starting over this way does get rid of the two holes in my work that made it incomplete. I guess the ultimate question, when a mistake was made at some point in one's work, is whether or not to continue on with the holes that were made, or to unravel the work back, fix them and start stitching again.

Thanks for using me.

2009-02-19T17:26:00.005-05:00

I've just spent the better part of two hours re-reading old blogs, on Myspace. My initial purpose in opening them was to export them into this current expanse of written thought, but alas there is no tool yet invented in which this can be accomplished (Myspace is an asylum). So, I'll merely reference them here, and suggest that further reading can be found there.

My other purpose, spawned and inspired from revisiting past thoughts and writings, is to practice some of my previous styles of writings in which I spent many minutes and hours composing just the right patterns to convey a certain meaning. I can see that that deliberate practice has now produced a certain unconscious behavior. The experience of writing, now, is rather passive, though the end result is still achieved. This may be akin to how a musician feels when transitioning from focused practice to playing without having to think about each component of the piece. In presenting it that way, the latter sounds more appealing; which is to say that thinking less is more appealing than struggling with something. I may be sadistic in this respect, but I prefer the struggle.

These previous blogs tended to focus upon one specific thought or idea. I would think of this idea and then connect it with other ideas and in a sense create a metaphor by applying it to something tangible in which I had experience. The title was also very important in that it presented a twist of information, or a dynamic layer to the rest of the writing. I tried to use words to create imagery through their association with our own personal experiences. For example, the word "tree" presents a common image as well as a personal image for each of us, but the tie that binds is the common elements of our images associated with that word, such as "leaves" "branches" "trunk". Using the common elements, I would link images together to create depth and layers and build upon the original idea to make it a solid, a structure. I can't recall if I was this thoughtful and direct in my original writings, but hindsight has a way of making things more clear, thus I can elaborate now on how I thought then.

I've had many arguments with myself and with others about the nature of relationships; relating with other humans. I specify humans because I want to exclude the relations that we may consider similar, such as those with our pets or with ourselves; relationship specifically refers to the relation between humans. These arguments tend to drift toward determining the purpose of relationships. From an evolutionary standpoint, I perceive relationships to be necessary for survival. Survival not only encompasses the present living generation but also the future generations; relationships are necessary specifically for survival long enough to achieve procreation and further the survival of our genes. In this respect, I am referring to relationships that are necessary for the survival of ideas, which is focusing more on the present need for the nature of relationships. (As an aside, the present need for relationships helps the procreation aspect as well, but that perhaps is a topic for another blog.) Ideas are similar to a seed in the proverbial growth of a plant, from seed to flower. Relationships nurture that growth, and prolong its life at every stage. An idea can occur from the thought of a single human, but the input from others experiences and perceptions tends to nourish the idea as well as takes on certain responsibilities. I personally have felt the experience of rooting the seed of an idea, but being involved in a relationship that did not water it enough to sustain its nourishment, as well as the experience of nourishing an idea through personal interaction within a fruitful relationship. Thus, relationships are necessary for our ideas to grow and to thrive.

Relationships are also selfish in this respect. Our ideas, in a sense, are personal property, and the request for input about a personal idea is the request for that relationship to shift in focus towards one's side. This "selfishness" in a relationship, of course, coincides with the over arching theme that inclusion in a relationship is, in the end, for one's personal gain; and for one's survival because of the added benefit of accomplishment and prolonged sense of worth that is so necessary to human survival. ( I should specify here that I am referring to ideas that would encompass the positive aspects of survival, rather than negative aspects such as fighting or lethal activities, which would ultimately decrease the likelihood of survival!) My ultimate argument proposes that ideas, as an extension of human existence, need human contact to survive. Whether or not that contact is "selfish" does not diminish its importance for any person involved in the relationship. We learn about ourselves through our interactions with others, and therefore need each other to live.

The Saga Continues...

2009-02-02T13:24:00.006-05:00

This past Friday afternoon, with our heads held high and armed with an arsenol of witty commentary and pertinent questions, Jamie and I marched straight in to city hall with the sole intention of standing our ground and only leaving once we had gained more information and a better plan of action. We quietly approached our unsuspecting vicitms in the Zoning Commission's office, and once given the chance, we opened fire with a barrage of demands for written documentaion and better explanations. It took some time for the desk clerks to regain their ground once we had strategically deployed our logical arguments. Their only defense was to present us with a document of appeal in which to address the next in their chain of command, the Board of Zoning Compliance. Upon presentaion of the document, we agreed to accept this as a gesture of truce, pending their retreat. We left the office unshaken and feeling victoriuos at our accomplishments. But the victory in this battle is only one of many that we must endure to ensure the preservation of our way of life.

We remain with strong spirits, and we are steadfast in preparing our minds and hearts in anticipation of a second (and final) battle. This next pursuit will be met with a much greater force, and we will need more support as well as dynamic planning in order to achieve a swift victory. In these next few weeks we will be preparing our defenses. We will draw up plans for our demands to remain as a deli/convenience store with the addition of tables and chairs. This "variance" tactic is our best possible defense and one in which we must make every effort to be completly accurate in pinpointing our target. We are asking for customers to sign petitions, we will need architecturally detailed floor plans, and we will present the board with many pictures of the proposed space with the happy faces that rely on All Star for their survival. We are confident that these tactics will capture and criple our enemies defenses, thus claiming our victory once again.

Oh All Star, where art thou??

2009-01-29T08:28:00.004-05:00

"The man" is trying to bring me down, man!

The city zoning commission sent a letter giving us a thirty day notice to "cease all operations" in the business because we are not in compliance with our "certificate of occupancy" that states we are zoned as Grocery/Convenience Market. The evidence of our non-compliance is the tables and chairs that we put in last year! Apparently, and I have yet to see this in writing, tables and chairs = restaurant (sit down) and are not permitted in a grocery/convenience market. Therefore, our options are one of the following:

1. Get rid of the tables and chairs and go back to being just a market (no draft beer either, obviously) and no sit-in customers to keep us company!
2. Pay $250 to appeal the decision made by the zoning commission and fight a losing battle to stay as we are.
3. Pay $200 and apply for a restaurant zoning certificate, but open Pandora's box of other regulations and costs that go into that as well
4. Go bankrupt and look for some thing else to do with my life!

I'm optimistic in going with option 3, but our lease is up at the end of this year, and I'm not sure that I want to spend a bunch of money making this a restaurant if I can't buy the building or renew the lease. This space is not particularly well suited for a restaurant. Some of the set backs will include requirements to make the entrance (an 8 inch stone step) and the bathroom (a 4ft x 4ft closet) handicap accessible, which may not even be physically possible in this building. We will also be required to have two to seven reserved parking spaces, also an impossible feat for this city neighborhood or it will cost five hundred dollars a month if we can convince a parking lot owner two blocks away. Thus, option 3 will be a long, arduous, expensive process.

Option 1 is looking ever more appealing, except for the defeatist feeling and letting "the man" win. Putting pride aside, there may be some better opportunities, and at an affordable rate, in focusing on the market side of things. One promising venture is in setting up an agreement with a local farmer for her to keep a case of fresh veggies and fruits on sale here throughout the season (I'll be meeting with her today!). By pushing the local produce and using some of it in our deli, we could capture the local market that is looking for this kind of opportunity as an alternative to the box-grocery store. Another idea that a good friend (Sophia) reminded me of is to make more prepared foods (especially using the local products) like salads and baked goods along with our sandwiches, and sell those in bulk containers. There was a woman, Annie, in our home town that made a decent living off of making salads and baked goods and selling them to local sandwich shops or direct from her house. She grew much of her ingredients in her garden, and made delicious combinations that were better than any store bought brand. That is something that I think AllStar could do as well, and maybe have some agreements with other local shops to sell or trade for their products (coffee for cookies!).

I like the thought of making more delicious foods, but I am not totally set on letting the seating go, yet. This fight is not over. I'll have to do some more research and get some more information on how to make the system work for us, again. But at the least this little incident has prompted me to be a bit more proactive with ideas for getting All Star to a better place. Any ideas or words of encouragement are always appreciated!

Late Bloomer

2009-01-04T17:29:00.004-05:00

I just realized, today, this instant, that I have been living under a rock for quite some time, and that this age information in which we live is truly amazing. For example, this blog is awesome http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/. And this guy published a book from it last year. He simply started writing a blog and enough people in the world read it, and liked it, and he is now famous because of it.

Thinking back on the last ten years of my life, I can see how I've avoided all the media outlets and portals to information that so many people were accepting as a daily routine. I have not owned a TV, let alone watched one for more than an hour in the last nine years, and I only recently began to spend any time "surfing the web" for things other than school related topics. Granted, I did and do listen to the radio, but limit myself to NPR or the local public stations, so I'm not completely devoid of knowledge about the day-to-day news content. I realize now that I have viewed the media, to borrow a Marxist term, as "an opiate of the masses" and therefore have avoided allowing it to subdue me. I have always advocated for interpersonal communications, or reading a book, or direct experience to gain knowledge about the world rather than accepting what someone (especially" The Man made" media) tells you. But I am now coming to view media outlets as the tool, that I truly believe them to be, that can expand those original ideas. I guess, as with anything in life, balance and moderation are the best method, and skepticism and further research are never a bad way to go either. I am, obviously, still going to be selective of my choice of entertainment and knowledge bases, but I am, at this point, open to the idea that the human race is not going to immediately erase thousands of years of evolutionary progress in the development of the brain by clicking around on the internet and watching "Fail" videos on YouTube. Instead I can see how the internet is more of a portal to a world-wide media form (duh...www) that can show us the world and the ways that people think and live differently, which may ultimately lead to a greater acceptance of such differences. I guess this revelation sounds unremarkable to most people who have been up-to-date with the last few decades of technological advancement, but for me it's exciting to experience this new found world of communication and information.

new name

2009-01-02T16:08:00.003-05:00

I changed the name on this blog because I am going to use the Re:New name for the non profit that is now official! www.renewrichmond.org Re:New Richmond will also have a blog so you can read all about it!

I'll keep up with personal thoughts here, of course, and I changed settings so now anyone can comment!!!

A New Year

2009-01-01T11:55:00.004-05:00

Realism can be all too overpowering at times, and for me, I am most susceptible to it around the holidays. Instead of becoming immersed in the "spirit of the season" I tend to be a critical observer explaining away the magic and pointing out the hidden strings. I suppose I am a "Scrooge", but I can't help it.
In some ways I admire the "ignorance is bliss" attitude that the holidays tend to evoke. It fascinates me that an arbitrary day is chosen as a reason to celebrate and almost the entire human race participates. I'd like to blissfully buy gifts and string lights, drink more, eat more, and take time off of work as a means to celebrate a day in time that we collectively designated as having a purpose different from all other days, but I can't. I'm too overwhelmed by the reality of it. For example, a "new year" begins with the tick of a clock hand and we have a chance to start over again. At that moment we can make resolutions to change our selves and we can focus on the future full of possibilities because it is NOW a new start. But we simply choose to see this moment as the chance to start a new; there is no clock that has wound down and is now restarted to tick for another 365 days, the clock is always ticking. We adhere to this conception of time starting over and allow IT to guide our behaviors, even though we decided when it would start and end. And what's more is that everyone agrees that time starts over in this way, so it makes it all the more acceptable to believe it.
I'm not "bah-humbug" about designating a day in time in which to celebrate, in fact I think it is perfectly human and necessary to our survival as a species. The human perception of the world is organized by giving meaning to events and objects. I find it both fascinating and terrifying how powerful perceptions and belief can be, and alas, that is the rub. It is this strength in the collective belief of that arbitrary day having a certain meaning that creates the "spirit of the season", and I can't see past that reality. Thus, my inability to have a dispensable belief in reality leaves me without much holiday cheer, and ready for the end of this "new year's day".

Winter Hibernation

2008-12-16T14:25:00.005-05:00

Last Thursday, I heard an interview on NPR's "Talk of the Nation" with Boston Globe columnist James Carroll. They were discussing his take on the winter solstice. Since the winter months bring longer periods of darkness and colder weather, this has often been a time when people report feelings of depression and anxiety. Carroll suggests that the effects of the coming winter months may be especially profound this year in the midst of national economic turmoil and the impending change in the presidency. Carroll is not a psychologist, but his observations make logical sense. He is observing how the state of a nation can effect the well-being of its citizens. This may seem obvious, but I think it is often overlooked in the course of our everyday lives.
Within their discussion, the interviewer referenced a psychological disorder called seasonal affective disorder (SAD) that is often associated with the winter months. The DSM-IV (Diagnostic Systems Manual, a manual used to diagnosis psychological disorders) defines SAD as a sub-type of mood-disorder that has recurring seasonal patterns, with depression occurring most often in the winter and going into remission by mid spring or early summer, though it can also happen in reverse. Persons with SAD often find relief by traveling to areas near the equator during colder winter months. This clinical disorder is an extreme example, but an example nonetheless, of the ways in which our physical environment can have an affect on our lives.
The interview with Carroll included a discussion with a caller who offered her take on the pervasiveness of depression during these months. She suggested that humans, as a species, have created a societal structure that contributes to mental disorders such as depression and anxiety. We pack our schedules full with "things-to-do" and leave little down time to reflect on what we've done. During the winter months, she suggests, our bodies physiologically want to rest, or hibernate, but instead we push through and deny ourselves any breaks, which leaves us tired and anxious. As I listened to her interpretation I felt somewhat relieved. I know that her incite isn't backed by much scientific data, but I still like this idea as a partial explanation for the struggle I feel this winter.
I have fond memories of snuggling for days under blankets, and making a fire during the winters of my past, but this winter has been a continuation of every other day. I miss winter break during the school year, and the relief after the fall semester. But now, my daily activities require me to stay busy throughout the year and are directly affected by both the weather and the national economic climate. This makes the outlook of the coming months even more bleak. So, if I am to survive the winter, even with minimal hibernation, I suppose the logical action would be to vacation in a warmer climate, or turn up the heat, or simply take it easy and enjoy a fire some evenings. I guess we'll see...

Richmond Roller Derby

2008-12-08T14:35:00.005-05:00

We went to the Rivercity Roller Girls "Season's Beatings" match Sunday night at Skateland on Hull St. All Star has sponsored the team since May, but reluctantly we have never been to a match, even though we've had free tickets! So Sunday night we made the trek. Venturing down Hull St. and pulling into the dusty old gravel parking lot, it looked like nothing had changed since the seventies, which made the whole experience that much more authentic. A quick "wiki" search for roller derby will give you a good introduction into the sport, which has been around since at least the twenties. It has almost always been dominated by females, but more recently has incorporated co-ed and all-male teams. The women last night exemplified the sport at its current trend, which is described as campy, athletic, punk, and third-wave feminist (see the wiki entry). Most girls were dressed in fish-net stockings or knee high stripped socks under their knee pads, and had briefs or short skirts barely covering anything. The crowd was more diverse with families and couples all shapes and styles. The vibe felt like a little league game, but with beer instead of the soccer-mom concession stand. Skateland itself probably contributed to the "family-fun" feeling. It is a very low-budget space that is basically an open floor about the size of a basketball court with old fast-food restaurant tables strewn about the out side of the painted oval "track". There was a mismatched set list of music played over loud speakers echoing around the hollow room, and an announcer (guy with a microphone) interjecting his personal commentary throughout the evening.

The match started after some delay. The two teams were introduced to the crowd player by player. They had names like "Busta Hyman" or "Brawlin Barista" and as each girl was called she made a lap around the track and "high-fived" all the other girls on each team. At this point I was merely observing the scene as a passing on-looker. I had yet to be drawn in to the action of the whole event, until the match began...As the first heat started I realized that I had no idea what was going on, or how the rules of a roller derby worked. I watched as a pack of girls lined up at the starting line, and two other girls with stars on their helmets, one from each team, lined up behind the pack. One whistle blew and the pack started off, then another whistle blew and the two star girls skated off too. The girls all skated around an inner track outlined by duct tape. The referees stood in the middle or skated around an outer ring keeping up with the revolving cluster of skaters as they pushed and body-checked each other around the track. We watched a few matches, which each last about five minutes (or some specified time that I never figured out) and I still had no idea what was happening. It was all a seemingly organized process, but I didn't understand the exact rules until I asked the guy pouring beers and got the basic jest of it. He said that the two girls with the stars are the "jammers", and the rest of the pack, maybe ten girls, are the "blockers". The jammers are the ones that score points by passing through the pack. They get a point for each blocker on the other team that they pass. Sounds pretty simple, but then you factor in all the penalties, maneuvering (like the sling-shot!), and scoring and the simple game is so much more complex. Nonetheless, it is cool to watch.

Before we left, my husband Jamie ended up talking to a guy from another Richmond roller derby team, the Richmond Derby Demons. He was recruiting for their all-male and co-ed teams. Jamie was very interested in the idea of us joining their co-ed team, so I may end up having an even better understanding of the sport in the near future!

The attitude behind the sport itself has a very grassroots feeling, which I find appealing. The teams are not backed by major funding. Most teams are donation and fan driven, and the players themselves are there for the sport rather than for the money. It is a "Do-It-Yourself" attitude and I admire the passion that goes along with making it happen. Check it out for yourself!!

Local teams: (most updated links)

Rivercity Roller Girls - www.rivercityrollergirls.org or myspace.com/riversityrollergirls

Richmond Derby Demons - myspace.com/richmondderbydemons

Re:new Richmond Non-profit

2008-12-05T15:28:00.000-05:00

I have wanted to start a non-profit in Richmond with the intention of funding projects that revolve around the idea of sustainability in an urban setting. This idea has been formulating for many months now. I had once toyed with the idea of converting my for-profit business into the non-profit's "store front", and make the deli/market a model for environmentally sustainable practices. But, in the long run, I would personally end up losing on my investments. So instead I have turned my attention towards starting a separate entity. On the short term, I envision a group that would fundraise and invest in projects that basically get the idea of urban sustainability out into the community. Anyone interested?

I have a few projects in mind, such as establishing community gardens in various urban neighborhoods, and setting up committees in those neighborhoods to continue their involvement. The gardens could be on private land that was rented or donated, and have water and irrigation that involved a rainwater catch system rather than pumping in water. Plots could be rented per season, or fundraised by each committee and plots assigned on a first-come basis. There are so many models for community based gardening taking place all over the country, it would be great for Richmond to have similar recognition.

A second idea is to fund the installation of bike racks all over the city. In Amsterdam and all over Holland it seems like EVERYONE rides bicycles, so they have these kick-ass bike racks that work like a parking space for bikes (see www.youtube.com and search "bike tree") by hanging your bike up in a rain-covered "tree". Richmond may not need such an expensive bike rack, but more simple ones would help to encourage bicycling and less car traffic. Also, lobbying the city council for bike lanes on major roads would be a good project to pursue.

Another idea that I have been working on is to sponsor a hypermiling race, much like an auto cross race but one in which the winner is chosen by the least amount of fuel used rather than the fastest time. This would be a collaborative project with other businesses and non-profits as well as the city. Prizes would be awarded for the driver and the car that received the best fuel economy along a predetermined stretch of "race track" (through the city, on the highway...). I'd like to try to do this in the spring of 2009, even if the non-profit is not up and going yet!

And yet another idea that I would LOVE to see happen is for Byrd Park's Shields Lake, the one with the fountain, to re-open as a swimming lake. At one point in time, this lake was a popular swimming spot in Richmond, but due to integration laws it was closed in 1955 so that Blacks moving in to the Byrd Park area wouldn't be able to swim there too (see www.byrdpark.org). The re-opening of that lake would not only be a major symbolic accomplishment for Richmond, it would also be AWESOME! So, this idea is not as strict in keeping with the whole "sustainability" theme of the non-profit, but it would be amazing to be a part of such a project.

A long term goal that I have put the most thought into, is to eventually open some sort of interactive museum in Richmond. The museum would incorporate the use of recycled pieces of the city, like old warehouse metal and street lamps, to make an artistically fashioned jungle gym, much like the City Museum in St. Louis (www.citymuseum.org), but also incorporate elements of the sustainability idea. There would be a community garden in the space, and a water system that was self sufficient (rain water filtered into the building, and building water filtered out for the gardens and back in again...it's possible!). There would also be a space for a cafe with locally grown foods served, and a space for bands to play, all of which would be powered by alternative energies (wind, solar). SO this space would be the total self-sufficient oddity unlike Richmond has ever dreamed. And what's more is that it would be interactive, so it would be teaching along with being really cool to visit. Families, field trips, teens, adults could all be a part of it and find something about it that interested them. It would involve art, Richmond history, and the environment, and be a space to hold lectures, teach classes, and hang out. I know it sounds like a "hippy dreamland", but I do see Richmond being a place that could use a meeting place for these kinds of ideas.

One of the most frustrating parts about living in Richmond has been the barriers that I have seen stifle a lot of creative ideas. These barriers start all the way at the top, with the local government (doing things like refusing solar panel installations because the city official had poor knowledge of the technology) and then trickle down in to the separation of cliques based on dress codes or musical tastes. I've lived in and visited many cities where the attitude of the local government is a main reason for the city's ability to take risks and make positive changes (Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, Arcata, CA, Amsterdam, Paris, to name a few). But it's the community that elects those officials, so it has to start on this end. I know that Richmond has the community-power to back more progressive ideas, and I guess starting a non-profit like this would be a good way to see that happen.

The State of Things

2008-12-04T08:37:00.000-05:00

For the past two years, I have owned a corner "market and deli" in an urban neighborhood of Richmond, VA. I decided to embark on this venture in the midst of finishing a master's degree and living in a different state. My degree has little to do with small business ownership, but at that time I was bitter towards continuing on in the field in which I had been trained. For lack of a better explanation, I wanted to pursue something of my own making rather than feel stuck in the machinery of an academic career (which is where I was heading). Thus, I took equity out of the condo that I owned, purchased the already (somewhat) established business, acquired all the proper licenses and opened December 2006. I was still living a state away then, and traveling every other weekend, in between finishing my thesis. Finally, after graduation the following May, I moved up to Richmond and settled in to being the owner on a daily basis. All of that went along fairly smoothly, and looking back now (of course) seems like it was all an easy process.

The hardest part about owning a business, for me, has been dealing with feeling responsible for EVERY LITTLE ASPECT of the business. That is my biggest weakness in owning this business; trying to do everything. I have learned to delegate responsibility, but only in the last few months have I actually practiced it. I had a moment of clarity one morning, riding my bike across the river to work; I was thinking about a non-profit that I want to start one day and realizing that all of the ideas that I have in mind are way beyond my knowledge or skill. I started thinking about all the job positions that would be necessary to accomplish any one of the goals for the non-profit, and stupidly I was trying to fill every one of those with myself. Of course, the next thought was how my current business was similar to that structure or lack of structure that I had conjured up. I employ five people, and there is no reason why I should have to do the jobs that I pay them to do. I am exhausted everyday and up at night thinking and stressing about all of the things that need to get done. It took me two years to figure out that I need to be concentrating less on the daily operations and more on the management of the business itself. I try to do bookkeeping, ring up customers, stock shelves, make sandwiches, plan budgets, finance upgrades, and on and on, and feel negligent for having a conversation with a customer for longer than ten minutes. On the one hand, my involvement like this is necessary because I am not in a position to pay someone else to do it ( I hardly pay myself!). But on the other hand, the juggling act is falling apart, and the more I take on, the more unsteady everything becomes. I don't foresee much changing in the next few months, given the state of things in the economy and in our budget. Hopefully, this present understanding should help me to take a look at what I am doing and to rearrange things where they can be changed.

The Main Idea

2008-12-03T21:15:00.000-05:00

RE:NEW is an ongoing attempt at ordering my thoughts. The name represents multiple concepts and ideas that have yet to exist outside of their electro-chemical state (in my brain).

At times, I forget how important it is to write things down. I make lists constantly, for groceries, for things to do, for bills to pay, for anything that I will forget about later, but not one bit of it is of any substance. My notes and lists have no profundity, no complexity, nothing of consequence. I write for no other purpose than to remind myself of petty aspects of my life. I could and would forget such things if they were not written down. The consequences of doing that would be so minor that the next moment would come and go without regret. But, I still go on writing little nothings such that the bits of paper clutter everything. This clutter is perhaps ironic given that the purpose of my lists and notes is for keeping things in place. This daily habit has brought me such worthlessness. My mornings are heavily caffeinated for the sole purpose of increasing neuronal firings, so that the worthlessness will be lost in the process and the petty reminders can be written down. Obviously I've created a pattern that has lead to my own demise. Thus, this blog is an attempt to order my thoughts, and to at least have a few moments of clarity and purpose in my writing, which should reflect back on my thinking as well (if all goes as planned). Thanks for reading.