Thanks for using me.

I've just spent the better part of two hours re-reading old blogs, on Myspace. My initial purpose in opening them was to export them into this current expanse of written thought, but alas there is no tool yet invented in which this can be accomplished (Myspace is an asylum). So, I'll merely reference them here, and suggest that further reading can be found there.

My other purpose, spawned and inspired from revisiting past thoughts and writings, is to practice some of my previous styles of writings in which I spent many minutes and hours composing just the right patterns to convey a certain meaning. I can see that that deliberate practice has now produced a certain unconscious behavior. The experience of writing, now, is rather passive, though the end result is still achieved. This may be akin to how a musician feels when transitioning from focused practice to playing without having to think about each component of the piece. In presenting it that way, the latter sounds more appealing; which is to say that thinking less is more appealing than struggling with something. I may be sadistic in this respect, but I prefer the struggle.

These previous blogs tended to focus upon one specific thought or idea. I would think of this idea and then connect it with other ideas and in a sense create a metaphor by applying it to something tangible in which I had experience. The title was also very important in that it presented a twist of information, or a dynamic layer to the rest of the writing. I tried to use words to create imagery through their association with our own personal experiences. For example, the word "tree" presents a common image as well as a personal image for each of us, but the tie that binds is the common elements of our images associated with that word, such as "leaves" "branches" "trunk". Using the common elements, I would link images together to create depth and layers and build upon the original idea to make it a solid, a structure. I can't recall if I was this thoughtful and direct in my original writings, but hindsight has a way of making things more clear, thus I can elaborate now on how I thought then.

I've had many arguments with myself and with others about the nature of relationships; relating with other humans. I specify humans because I want to exclude the relations that we may consider similar, such as those with our pets or with ourselves; relationship specifically refers to the relation between humans. These arguments tend to drift toward determining the purpose of relationships. From an evolutionary standpoint, I perceive relationships to be necessary for survival. Survival not only encompasses the present living generation but also the future generations; relationships are necessary specifically for survival long enough to achieve procreation and further the survival of our genes. In this respect, I am referring to relationships that are necessary for the survival of ideas, which is focusing more on the present need for the nature of relationships. (As an aside, the present need for relationships helps the procreation aspect as well, but that perhaps is a topic for another blog.) Ideas are similar to a seed in the proverbial growth of a plant, from seed to flower. Relationships nurture that growth, and prolong its life at every stage. An idea can occur from the thought of a single human, but the input from others experiences and perceptions tends to nourish the idea as well as takes on certain responsibilities. I personally have felt the experience of rooting the seed of an idea, but being involved in a relationship that did not water it enough to sustain its nourishment, as well as the experience of nourishing an idea through personal interaction within a fruitful relationship. Thus, relationships are necessary for our ideas to grow and to thrive.

Relationships are also selfish in this respect. Our ideas, in a sense, are personal property, and the request for input about a personal idea is the request for that relationship to shift in focus towards one's side. This "selfishness" in a relationship, of course, coincides with the over arching theme that inclusion in a relationship is, in the end, for one's personal gain; and for one's survival because of the added benefit of accomplishment and prolonged sense of worth that is so necessary to human survival. ( I should specify here that I am referring to ideas that would encompass the positive aspects of survival, rather than negative aspects such as fighting or lethal activities, which would ultimately decrease the likelihood of survival!) My ultimate argument proposes that ideas, as an extension of human existence, need human contact to survive. Whether or not that contact is "selfish" does not diminish its importance for any person involved in the relationship. We learn about ourselves through our interactions with others, and therefore need each other to live.

The Saga Continues...

This past Friday afternoon, with our heads held high and armed with an arsenol of witty commentary and pertinent questions, Jamie and I marched straight in to city hall with the sole intention of standing our ground and only leaving once we had gained more information and a better plan of action. We quietly approached our unsuspecting vicitms in the Zoning Commission's office, and once given the chance, we opened fire with a barrage of demands for written documentaion and better explanations. It took some time for the desk clerks to regain their ground once we had strategically deployed our logical arguments. Their only defense was to present us with a document of appeal in which to address the next in their chain of command, the Board of Zoning Compliance. Upon presentaion of the document, we agreed to accept this as a gesture of truce, pending their retreat. We left the office unshaken and feeling victoriuos at our accomplishments. But the victory in this battle is only one of many that we must endure to ensure the preservation of our way of life.

We remain with strong spirits, and we are steadfast in preparing our minds and hearts in anticipation of a second (and final) battle. This next pursuit will be met with a much greater force, and we will need more support as well as dynamic planning in order to achieve a swift victory. In these next few weeks we will be preparing our defenses. We will draw up plans for our demands to remain as a deli/convenience store with the addition of tables and chairs. This "variance" tactic is our best possible defense and one in which we must make every effort to be completly accurate in pinpointing our target. We are asking for customers to sign petitions, we will need architecturally detailed floor plans, and we will present the board with many pictures of the proposed space with the happy faces that rely on All Star for their survival. We are confident that these tactics will capture and criple our enemies defenses, thus claiming our victory once again.

Oh All Star, where art thou??

"The man" is trying to bring me down, man!

The city zoning commission sent a letter giving us a thirty day notice to "cease all operations" in the business because we are not in compliance with our "certificate of occupancy" that states we are zoned as Grocery/Convenience Market. The evidence of our non-compliance is the tables and chairs that we put in last year! Apparently, and I have yet to see this in writing, tables and chairs = restaurant (sit down) and are not permitted in a grocery/convenience market. Therefore, our options are one of the following:

1. Get rid of the tables and chairs and go back to being just a market (no draft beer either, obviously) and no sit-in customers to keep us company!
2. Pay $250 to appeal the decision made by the zoning commission and fight a losing battle to stay as we are.
3. Pay $200 and apply for a restaurant zoning certificate, but open Pandora's box of other regulations and costs that go into that as well
4. Go bankrupt and look for some thing else to do with my life!

I'm optimistic in going with option 3, but our lease is up at the end of this year, and I'm not sure that I want to spend a bunch of money making this a restaurant if I can't buy the building or renew the lease. This space is not particularly well suited for a restaurant. Some of the set backs will include requirements to make the entrance (an 8 inch stone step) and the bathroom (a 4ft x 4ft closet) handicap accessible, which may not even be physically possible in this building. We will also be required to have two to seven reserved parking spaces, also an impossible feat for this city neighborhood or it will cost five hundred dollars a month if we can convince a parking lot owner two blocks away. Thus, option 3 will be a long, arduous, expensive process.

Option 1 is looking ever more appealing, except for the defeatist feeling and letting "the man" win. Putting pride aside, there may be some better opportunities, and at an affordable rate, in focusing on the market side of things. One promising venture is in setting up an agreement with a local farmer for her to keep a case of fresh veggies and fruits on sale here throughout the season (I'll be meeting with her today!). By pushing the local produce and using some of it in our deli, we could capture the local market that is looking for this kind of opportunity as an alternative to the box-grocery store. Another idea that a good friend (Sophia) reminded me of is to make more prepared foods (especially using the local products) like salads and baked goods along with our sandwiches, and sell those in bulk containers. There was a woman, Annie, in our home town that made a decent living off of making salads and baked goods and selling them to local sandwich shops or direct from her house. She grew much of her ingredients in her garden, and made delicious combinations that were better than any store bought brand. That is something that I think AllStar could do as well, and maybe have some agreements with other local shops to sell or trade for their products (coffee for cookies!).

I like the thought of making more delicious foods, but I am not totally set on letting the seating go, yet. This fight is not over. I'll have to do some more research and get some more information on how to make the system work for us, again. But at the least this little incident has prompted me to be a bit more proactive with ideas for getting All Star to a better place. Any ideas or words of encouragement are always appreciated!

Late Bloomer

I just realized, today, this instant, that I have been living under a rock for quite some time, and that this age information in which we live is truly amazing. For example, this blog is awesome http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/. And this guy published a book from it last year. He simply started writing a blog and enough people in the world read it, and liked it, and he is now famous because of it.


Thinking back on the last ten years of my life, I can see how I've avoided all the media outlets and portals to information that so many people were accepting as a daily routine. I have not owned a TV, let alone watched one for more than an hour in the last nine years, and I only recently began to spend any time "surfing the web" for things other than school related topics. Granted, I did and do listen to the radio, but limit myself to NPR or the local public stations, so I'm not completely devoid of knowledge about the day-to-day news content. I realize now that I have viewed the media, to borrow a Marxist term, as "an opiate of the masses" and therefore have avoided allowing it to subdue me. I have always advocated for interpersonal communications, or reading a book, or direct experience to gain knowledge about the world rather than accepting what someone (especially" The Man made" media) tells you. But I am now coming to view media outlets as the tool, that I truly believe them to be, that can expand those original ideas. I guess, as with anything in life, balance and moderation are the best method, and skepticism and further research are never a bad way to go either. I am, obviously, still going to be selective of my choice of entertainment and knowledge bases, but I am, at this point, open to the idea that the human race is not going to immediately erase thousands of years of evolutionary progress in the development of the brain by clicking around on the internet and watching "Fail" videos on YouTube. Instead I can see how the internet is more of a portal to a world-wide media form (duh...www) that can show us the world and the ways that people think and live differently, which may ultimately lead to a greater acceptance of such differences. I guess this revelation sounds unremarkable to most people who have been up-to-date with the last few decades of technological advancement, but for me it's exciting to experience this new found world of communication and information.

new name

I changed the name on this blog because I am going to use the Re:New name for the non profit that is now official! www.renewrichmond.org Re:New Richmond will also have a blog so you can read all about it!

I'll keep up with personal thoughts here, of course, and I changed settings so now anyone can comment!!!

A New Year

Realism can be all too overpowering at times, and for me, I am most susceptible to it around the holidays. Instead of becoming immersed in the "spirit of the season" I tend to be a critical observer explaining away the magic and pointing out the hidden strings. I suppose I am a "Scrooge", but I can't help it.
In some ways I admire the "ignorance is bliss" attitude that the holidays tend to evoke. It fascinates me that an arbitrary day is chosen as a reason to celebrate and almost the entire human race participates. I'd like to blissfully buy gifts and string lights, drink more, eat more, and take time off of work as a means to celebrate a day in time that we collectively designated as having a purpose different from all other days, but I can't. I'm too overwhelmed by the reality of it. For example, a "new year" begins with the tick of a clock hand and we have a chance to start over again. At that moment we can make resolutions to change our selves and we can focus on the future full of possibilities because it is NOW a new start. But we simply choose to see this moment as the chance to start a new; there is no clock that has wound down and is now restarted to tick for another 365 days, the clock is always ticking. We adhere to this conception of time starting over and allow IT to guide our behaviors, even though we decided when it would start and end. And what's more is that everyone agrees that time starts over in this way, so it makes it all the more acceptable to believe it.
I'm not "bah-humbug" about designating a day in time in which to celebrate, in fact I think it is perfectly human and necessary to our survival as a species. The human perception of the world is organized by giving meaning to events and objects. I find it both fascinating and terrifying how powerful perceptions and belief can be, and alas, that is the rub. It is this strength in the collective belief of that arbitrary day having a certain meaning that creates the "spirit of the season", and I can't see past that reality. Thus, my inability to have a dispensable belief in reality leaves me without much holiday cheer, and ready for the end of this "new year's day".

Winter Hibernation

Last Thursday, I heard an interview on NPR's "Talk of the Nation" with Boston Globe columnist James Carroll. They were discussing his take on the winter solstice. Since the winter months bring longer periods of darkness and colder weather, this has often been a time when people report feelings of depression and anxiety. Carroll suggests that the effects of the coming winter months may be especially profound this year in the midst of national economic turmoil and the impending change in the presidency. Carroll is not a psychologist, but his observations make logical sense. He is observing how the state of a nation can effect the well-being of its citizens. This may seem obvious, but I think it is often overlooked in the course of our everyday lives.
Within their discussion, the interviewer referenced a psychological disorder called seasonal affective disorder (SAD) that is often associated with the winter months. The DSM-IV (Diagnostic Systems Manual, a manual used to diagnosis psychological disorders) defines SAD as a sub-type of mood-disorder that has recurring seasonal patterns, with depression occurring most often in the winter and going into remission by mid spring or early summer, though it can also happen in reverse. Persons with SAD often find relief by traveling to areas near the equator during colder winter months. This clinical disorder is an extreme example, but an example nonetheless, of the ways in which our physical environment can have an affect on our lives.
The interview with Carroll included a discussion with a caller who offered her take on the pervasiveness of depression during these months. She suggested that humans, as a species, have created a societal structure that contributes to mental disorders such as depression and anxiety. We pack our schedules full with "things-to-do" and leave little down time to reflect on what we've done. During the winter months, she suggests, our bodies physiologically want to rest, or hibernate, but instead we push through and deny ourselves any breaks, which leaves us tired and anxious. As I listened to her interpretation I felt somewhat relieved. I know that her incite isn't backed by much scientific data, but I still like this idea as a partial explanation for the struggle I feel this winter.
I have fond memories of snuggling for days under blankets, and making a fire during the winters of my past, but this winter has been a continuation of every other day. I miss winter break during the school year, and the relief after the fall semester. But now, my daily activities require me to stay busy throughout the year and are directly affected by both the weather and the national economic climate. This makes the outlook of the coming months even more bleak. So, if I am to survive the winter, even with minimal hibernation, I suppose the logical action would be to vacation in a warmer climate, or turn up the heat, or simply take it easy and enjoy a fire some evenings. I guess we'll see...