The wind is in from Africa, and last night I couldn't sleep.

Maybe it's just the rain today, or maybe other events that have stirred me, but I'm feeling restless, again. I feel like the snow globe of my mind has been picked up and shaken swirling flurries of white through the cerebral spinal fluid, making it cloudy and confusing in here. I spent the last seventy two hours engrossed in awe-inspiring ideas about living sustainably and growing a life that, to me, feels more complete. Now the challenge, and difficulty, and confusion that I feel is in balancing that vision with my current state of mind and living situation. It's a process that I've done before; picking up and moving, changing my focus, aspiring towards something new, but this time is not as easy. This time I can not throw down what I am doing and start something new, turn over the leaf, cut the cord and start again. I'd prefer to be more eloquent with changing, this time. It's just more difficult to do it that way, perhaps. The slate can not be so easily wiped clean because this time there are other factors involved too, not just my own path. I'm not used to this process, and am feeling frustrated by it.

It's like this sweater I was just now beginning to knit. I got to the end of the third row, 300 stitches into it, and saw the mistake that I had made about 100 stitches back. The only way to fix it is to take out all the stitches to that point and rework it. So I began unraveling all the stitches, and saw another mistake even further back, which prompted me to make the decision to take out all of the stitches and start over again. Starting over again, now, is starting with the experience of how I lead to the mistakes I made before, so that this time I am more aware of the steps that lead to those mistakes and can now actively avoid that path. But starting over again also means taking apart what I have made, even though it had a few rough spots in it. Taking the whole thing apart takes more time to get to the place that I was only moments ago, but starting over this way does get rid of the two holes in my work that made it incomplete. I guess the ultimate question, when a mistake was made at some point in one's work, is whether or not to continue on with the holes that were made, or to unravel the work back, fix them and start stitching again.